Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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