...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
