i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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