if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
