I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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