He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
