Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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