Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..