The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈