Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?