Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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