You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
