Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
