i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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