I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
