Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
