I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
