I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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