I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
