If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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