I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If I had your ass I would rule the world
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
