let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
