I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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