I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
