Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
