BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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