dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
