i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
