I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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