No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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