It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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