he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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