Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
