Sry I called you an 8
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
