I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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