I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
