@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
