question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize