Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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