Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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