Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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