Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
