she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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