weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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