I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
