i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You brought string cheese to the strip club
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
