i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
