Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
