He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
