the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
