I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
