I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
