I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
