Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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