Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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