Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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