I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
