Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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