im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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