I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
