dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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