Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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