Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize