what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
