Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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