Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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