why didn't you poke me back
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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