If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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