You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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