so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
