just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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